Lost and Okay

As a student attending the fine institution of Loyola University of Maryland I am encouraged to reflect deeply on my study abroad experience. We are asked questions to provoke thoughts on life goals, self-efficacy, and the art of adventure. These topics all lead to the more general and sought-after concept of "finding oneself." It is a common occurrence for students to come home after abroad claiming to have found themselves with a new worldly outlook on life. Now don't get me wrong... I wan't that. But right now, I'm lost and okay with it.

My feelings of fear and discomfort upon arrival have stimulated my desire to soul search. Why would I feel this way??? I'm living everyone's dream, right? I have never previously considered myself to be 'lost'. But also, I have never been pushed to critically think about who I am to the core, until now. There are many facets of the 'lost' feeling--spiritual and emotional. Also quite often, at least in my case, physical. Thank god for nice locals and Google Maps.

I feel an enormous amount of pressure to achieve the goal of finding myself. As well as finding all the answers to Loyola's travel-journal questions. After an effort to asses the causes of my "lost" feeling I have come to a conclusion. The feeling takes root in the simultaneous occurrence of conflicting emotions. A dozen emotions begin to blur as a dazed or lost state emerges in which peace quickly becomes impossible to find. I swear I could be feeling amusement, dismay, and indifference all while eating a piece of toast in my living room.

It seems outward exploration will eventually evoke an inward exploration. I have been challenged to explore the Irish culture. New city, new school, new friends.. so much NEW. I will embrace the new through the release of intolerance and the intake of acceptance, positivity and curiosity. As I offer acceptance, positivity, and curiosity to others I will extend these same qualities to myself. Through acting on curiosity I hope to develop a positive acceptance of my feelings. The understanding of the once indecipherable emotions will become lucid, thus leading me to a clearer sense of self. Yep, sounds like a good plan to me.

Picture of me wearing an inspirational shirt that says, "You Grow Girl."

I know this whole "finding yourself abroad" thing must be a process. It won't happen over night. Which is really good because it's already been 30. After all, they do say you have to lose yourself to find yourself. So if thats true, I'm killing it!

~Cassidy~